She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
