do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
