It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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