if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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