I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
