she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
