Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
