hotel room ftw
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
