i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
