Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
