she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
