I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
