textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
