when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
