Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
