you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
