I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
