physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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