I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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