I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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