some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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