I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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