HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
