I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
