Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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