I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
