Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
