I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
