I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
