go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
