Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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