you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
