mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
