I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
