if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
