Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well I can't set my house on fire every night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
