note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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