i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
