Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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