I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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