Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
