I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
