my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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