Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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