Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
