Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
