just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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