Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
