i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
