I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
