I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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