i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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