O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
