I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
