Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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